Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Wealthy White Male Witnesses Voodoo Shmutz Ritual

Image result for togo mapImage result for mango, togoFirst, I had to travel up to Burkina Faso, through the small nation of Togo. 106,000 square miles, 17 million people, and I had never heard the words Burkina or Faso. After docking at the Togo sea port of Kpeme, I was led alone on horseback by a man named Popo. Most people had cars or motorcycles but Popo was very persuasive. Togo had good infrastructure, excellent roadways, and advanced culture, but I avoided all of that to pursue my plan of simplifying my life. I slept with the horses just miles from affordable and cozy African hotels in Lome. As Togo risks further accumulation of public debt, I sleep in cloth rags on my bed of shredded dollar bills.
Everyday, the Togolese people would come and bring me food. I gave up my old life for a peaceful and unrealistic African lifestyle. Togolese people are influenced by 37 distinct ethnic groups. As Popo led me to Burkina Faso, I spent a few CFA francs at the Fetish Market in Lome for old idols, but that was all. I found more old talismans from the dirty backstreets and created a new religion, it is called Capitalism. So much happened in this last week as I walked north through Togo. I also found a place named Wawa. What a great place name.

Near the end of my horseback journey I came across the city of Mango, where I met the Dekryger family. They had the whitest names in west africa, it was wonderful. Todd and Jennifer were such average looking white people that I felt at home. William, Grant, Luke, and Drew all look like the same child at different ages. They were packing up to move back to Kansas when they saw me disheveled in the street, they took Popo and I into their Hospital of Hope and served us hot dogs. They were the most delicious sausages I had ever experienced. The Dekrygers were a breath of fresh air in my dismal journey of self discovery. A very important thing to notice is that the official language of Togo is French, the language of love. This is important to consider because the Dekrygers have never learned a word of French. Although I am fluent in 6 languages, French included, this made me like them even more.

A woman was ill in the Hospital of Hope, her name was Dina, she had broken her legs. Dina requested a "healer" as opposed to a doctor. The healer would rub dead animal shmutz all over her wound in order to heal her in a voodoo ritual. Voodoo is an extremely complex religion with many rituals, most of them are weird. The healer came and the most peculiar sight I have ever witnessed bombarded my eyes. Following that insanity, Todd and I shared a couple of brewskies, exchanged borderline racist banter before we set out on the last step of our journey. This was also around the time I declared Popo my official travel companion. Just an hour ago I crossed into Burkina Faso. I am ready to enter the next phase of my plan.

1 comment:

  1. a lot of good info but how much would this cost for the average wealthy white man