Sunday, October 30, 2016

Wealthy White Male is an Aussie Bloke


Image result for australian clothesNext, I journeyed to the city of Tumbarumba, New South Wales, Australia, to fulfill a dream of mine. I have always longed to be an Aussie bloke. I gave Popo a vacation from where he visited the great barrier reef, a dream of his. Busselton was an average city, it didn’t receive many tourists, so I figured it would be a good place to go undercover as an Australian. My name would be Rocco “Hammerhead” Murphy, an Australian botanist and veteran of the Australian Navy. I was visiting on a trip to interview residents about the environmental upkeep in Tumbarumba (Rocco is a bit of a greenie). Rocco was staying with a friend on Adelaide st. (I bought the house) to avoid suspicion. The accent and slang were no problem, I’d been studying since I was an ankle biter. I had to pay 3500 Australian Dollars (2700 USD) for a 12 year old actor to play my son for the trip. His character’s name was Buster, an inquisitive and loving little bugger. Every morning I would wake up at the crack of dawn, put on my akubra and went on a run. I’d listen to Aussie talk radio and smell the eucalyptus crunch beneath my sand shoes. I’d stop and the servo and pick up some cheddar twisties for Buster. Each day I would interview 3 random citizens about their environmental habits. Most were uneventful, but one, with a man who went by Skip, was a ripper of an interview. Absolutely top. He too was in the Navy in the 1960s, a sailor for the HMAS Arunta, a destroyer. Since then he has been a bit of a bushranger, a real ocker but I didnt mind. He’s been all around the bush, a lone roamer, traveling across never never land. Skip told me about his experiences with the earth, all the piss he splashed in its sand, and what an important thing it is that we kill all the bandicoots in Australia for our own safety. Skip had a few signs of dementia, but he was mostly all there. This was certainly my favorite trip yet.TumbarumbaNSW200504.JPG

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