Thursday, November 10, 2016

Wealthy White Male is a Jew

Metula and Hermon.JPG
In the past, we have visited both Popo and Dingbangs hometowns. That’s where I found them. But now, on this glorious November day, we shall travel to my origin. I was born in the small town of Metula, Israel to a very Jewish mother and a very wealthy father. Metula is on the Israel Lebanon border, 135 miles from Jerusalem. It’s population is a mighty 2500. In Israel, it is seen as a wealthy community which draws Israeli tourists from around the country, especially schoolchildren. Metula has a rich history dating back to the Roman-Byzantine era. But who cares about that, the 14th richest man in the world was born there. I started out with only a small loan of 4 million shekels (1 million USD), which is nothing compared to what I’ve built. I say that not in a bragging way but because that is the way we need to think. Israel is a beautiful land with beautiful people. My family greeted me as I entered my childhood home. We shook hands and I went to my childhood bedroom to cry. I cried about my loss of innocence, I cried about being a 40-something year old virgin, and I cried about the rush of emotion I felt looking at my star of david bedspread. This poster I made hung above the head of my bed. This was and is my vision of God. I have never been artistically or creatively or intellectually talented, but when I was 8, my mother bought me some paint. I closed my eyes, and this was the end result. This is the coming messiah. Image result for jewImage result for israel mansions

Anyway, I showed my son my home and introduced Popo and Dingbang to my many manservants. I told Lucille to make her finest Shakshouka for my boy. It takes a few days for a full tour of the house, so I decided our time would be best spent here if Popo and Dingbang didn’t see the whole facility. Most people don’t know of my Jewish heritage, but my Grandfather paid the Nazis to let his family go to the Holy land for the holocaust. In 1956, construction began on the largest private home in Israel to date. Our biggest regret is when a Scot married the only daughter of the last Horowitz of our bloodline in 1694. This is why our name is Henderson, but we’re super Jewish. Dingbang has epilepsy, and our extravagance was too much for the poor boy. So we left with bellies full of Falafel and heads full of Yamaka.

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