Friday, December 2, 2016

Wealthy White Male Finds Homes For Haitian Orphan Boys


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Image result for cite soleilRelated imageHaiti is where I used to pretend to be charitable, I would go and cut ribbons for children's shelters and lay the first brick of a rebuilding project. This time, I wanted to be truly charitable. I figured the most efficient way to do this was to adopt Dingbang a brother, as well as funding a community for 2 years, long enough to come out of poverty. In search of an impoverished young man, we headed to Cite Soleil, the poorest shanty town in the poorest province in the poorest country in the world. I almost immediately noticed a little boy sitting in the frame of what was once a home made of garbage. Stuck in the mud beside it were 3 graves“Stanley Stevens, age 38” “Nephtalie Stevens, age 34” and “Samantha Stevens, age 4”. Popo approached the boy, who was petting a large black pig, squatted down and placed his hand on his shoulder, and began to speak softly to him. The boy’s name was Jonas, he was 7 years old and wearing rags. Dingbang gave him a hug and asked if he needed an older brother. He agreed on one condition: That we would find homes for the other orphan boys in his neighborhood. He brought us through the gridded streets made by the government to house the poor to a rough, muddy alley where some boys were playing a game of football, their clothes were a bit nicer than Jonas’ but it was apparent there were no adults in their lives. Jonas then introduced us to Emmanuel, a 10 year old, Simon, a 4 year old, and big Wesley, a 12 year old. I contacted every nice man and woman I had met on my journey, and described the boys to them. Skip, the Australian Navy veteran had a son and his wife who adopted the little Simon, a good little boy who would love New Zealand, where Skips son, Michael lives with his family. Emmanuel, the well mannered 10 year old had been living on his own for 7 years, but the headmaster at a certain German boarding school saw him as the perfect candidate for the perfect son. And Wesley, massive, lumbering Wesley, was adopted by none other than Spicy Mchaggis himself, the bagpipe bad boy. I always thought that he would make a great father. I also made the commune of Cite Soleil my pet project. It wouldn’t happen overnight, but I contacted my heavy machinery guys and we made a plan.

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